Nobody’s Guru

 23316737_1568435839879840_1335567993384597821_nCan we talk about authenticity for a minute?

I feel very fortunate to get to do the work I do. And I put in significant effort to do the part of that work that is mine to do. But I’m no one’s guru.

(Though, I have studied the Vedas and the Bhagavad Gita and the Upanishads, have read a six volume novelization of the Ramayana to my youngest daughter,  and I adore and feel a kinship with Indian mysticism. Of course, if I were going to borrow a word from Sanskrit for what I do, it would be devastra not guru.)

My job is not to save anyone. Or to fix anyone. Or to sit back on my regal cushion and dictate how anyone should live their life in order to reach some final state of bliss from which they never have to return. That is not what I do.

What do I do? Well, I’m glad you asked! Here’s my authentic truth:

Every morning I get up early. (Though I used to stay up late…) I fill the water jar I use with a mix of cool and boiling water poured over the five crystals that live in the bottom of the jar. (Apatite, magnesite, fluorite, azurite, and aquamarine, in case you’re wondering…) I ground into my source. I connect with my guides. And I call to Spirit to join with and work through me. (And because my ancestors were burned at the stake, and starved, and chased out of their homelands, and all our rituals were lost — I humbly borrow from other sources and follow my own guidance for these rites.) I sing over the water during this ceremony, and call in my allies to bless it, and then I drink the inspired elixir. Afterward, I meditate and do yoga or some other movement practice. (Again, borrowing from other sources for this technology.)

I do this everyday to draw in the power, and guidance, and courage to be of service to my people. I do this because I know, even in the smallest endeavors, I do nothing. Whether I am coaching or consulting, or doing emotional body work or shamanic integration — I don’t do one bit of the actual work. The only thing I ever do in any of my practices for supporting others to reach their greatest heights is hold space. I hold space for my clients and I hold space for Spirit. That’s all I am ever doing. Or ever going to do.

That’s my authentic truth.

And authenticity is what it is all about. The space I hold is for my clients to be their true authentic self. When we work together, the process is focused (through whatever means or tools Spirit uses my body to wield) solely on peeling back the layers necessary to reveal the authentic person always already inside each one of them. I am not my clients’ leader, or master, or guru. They are!

I am just a catalyst. A door through which my clients pass on their way to realizing their own truth. A door in a house of Spirit.

My clients are among the most powerful people in the world. I concentrate my efforts on supporting badass (self-identifying) women, femme, and non-binary leaders because I believe we need more fully empowered people in these ranks to lead the world right now. But I also work with some brave (self-identifying) men, too! For all of my clients, in all of our work together, we are digging into, uncovering, and integrating their truth. Their authentic and undaunted self.


See this amazing human, here? This is one of my clients, Layne. (I asked permission to brag about her…). Over the course of our work together, I have watched Layne become one of the most potent humans I know. Sure, she still has some things that she is improving in her life. (Don’t we all, and if we don’t, what are we doing??) But you know what this woman has that so many people in this world struggle with, or can’t seem to muster — authenticity, of course! Through our work together, Layne has developed her authenticity to such a degree that she can now say what she thinks in any situation, she can act from her own truth regardless of external pressures, and she can honour herself in all her relationships. Our work has put her in touch with her own power, and she regularly checks in with that power when making decisions or taking courageous action. She has become (and continues to hone) her own fully realized self. And she doesn’t need a guru!

But let me stop speaking for her and share with you Layne’s own words: “Nathan has been a fantastic guide and ally through this journey called life.  Over the last five years, he has helped me achieve goals, overcome obstacles, and find the joy of living authentically along the way.  A true gem of a human, I’m ever thankful for the work we do together.” (See that, she called me “a human”…)


Here’s a little more authenticity for you. I never asked to be a life coach, or an emotional body worker, or a shamanic practitioner. (I actually would happily hermit my days away making art and music and poetry.) But I did ask to be of service to my fellow humans. I did ask to be a tool for Spirit to work through me. I did ask to be courageous in being my Most-Me. And in order to fulfill my end of the bargain, in order for me to put myself in position to hold space for Spirit and to hold space for others who want to become their own Most-Me — I have to talk about what I’m here to do. I have to be brave (af!) to stand up and say, “I’m here to help!.”

So I’m going to do that. I’m going to be in your various feeds, and popping up again and again in your notifications, saying I’m here to help. I’m going to be real, and authentic, but I’m not going to be quiet about it. And if that happens to get in your way, then I would gently suggest that you look at why you’re feeling what you’re feeling about it, and/or that you unfriend me or unsubscribe so that you don’t have to be bothered. Because my people, they don’t need a guru, they need themselves — and I’m not going to let anything (not propriety, or coolness, or anyone else’s resistance to me offering my services to others on social media) stop me from boldly standing up and calling out to those who could use my support in getting there. That’s just one of the ways I hold space for my people (and for Spirit) to do what needs doing.

If this speaks to you… If you want help becoming who you are really meant to be… If you need authentic, inspired, compassionate support, but you don’t need a guru — then may I tenderly invite you to follow up with me? Message me, comment below, send me a telegram. Reach out! Or if you know someone who could use my help, will you share this with them? And, if you feel so called, here’s a link you may use to apply to work with me right now: I’m here for you.

With love and respect.

Be well.

Fight Without Fighting

natalie fightingIIc copy-2

Fights with our partners can happen over anything, can’t they??

My partner and I recently fought over how many bananas I might eat on a given day! I can laugh now, but I got so mad at the time, I uncharacteristically said, “I don’t think we should talk about this any more right now.”. I never say that…

You see, I got so triggered that I temporarily forgot a key concept in fighting well (and this is true for working with all upset people, whether it’s your partner, your kid, your friends, or your parents): let this issue be the issue.

Our emotional brain doesn’t care what the issues are  — you can check this by revisiting the original issue after the upset is gone and see how small it as become — it just latches onto an issue in order to license the release of emotion that we need to get out of us. 

It could have been anything, on this day, my partner’s emotional brain chose bananas to help her get her feelings out. And as a last gasp before the emotion started to take over, her logical brain tried to make sense of how the bananas could really honestly be so important. They got linked to how many more times than me she may have chosen to go to the store in the past. And how the housework is divided. And the time she has for projects she’s developing. And whether I care about her. 

For me, nothing she was saying made sense. Her facts were off. Her summations too absolute. Her seeming lack of appreciation for all of my wonderful qualities and contributions to our family health and happiness so triggering to me that I had to tap out of the conversation. At the time, it was a desperate attempt not to let myself be dragged off center, or allow someone to control how many bananas I eat.

We both had such deep stuff well up for us that our connection got short circuited.

Over the next 24 hours, rather than brood heavily, we made efforts to reestablish our link by simply allowing touch and teamwork in the other areas of our life. It’s not easy to connect when you’re feeling disconnected, but we knew we had to “prime the pump” so that we could get our circuit back on line.

On the dog walk the next day, we felt courageous and connected enough to go back into the dreaded banana debate. It didn’t go well at first, in part because as you’d expect, having to get the connection up and running again tends to slow things down. We were also both immediately triggered back to the previous day’s level of upset because we had no cushion — either of resilience, or connection, or recent emotional release.

We started from that raw place and began to claw our way out. We let bananas be the issue. And because she had started it off, we allowed the banana debacle to be my partner’s release point. I held space with empathy (which protected me from my own defensiveness and soothed my own emotional brain), and asked questions about everything related to bananas:

“What does it bring up for you when I eat multiple bananas in the morning?”

“What are the feelings associated with that?”

“What story are you telling yourself about this situation or about how much I care about your needs?”

“What does it seem like you’re really needing now?”

“If you could wave a magic wand and have it be any way you choose, how would it be?”

“If none of that pans out, what will you do?”

We talked about bananas for over an hour as we hiked through the snow. We made no solutions at that time. We changed nothing. We just made space for the feelings, and then deepened our understanding of everything involved. We have since reviewed the issue, and likely will again, but found this time that there was nothing significant remaining. It just needed to be there to get those feelings out. And once we had made space for the emotion to come out of it, the issue deflated like a bouncy house at the end of a kid’s birthday party.

This is possible for all of us. True deep connection and safe space made around all feelings. Want to get started?

The Center for Emotional Education’s mini-course this month is about this ^^^ kind of emotional co-processing.

Here’s what one past participant, Rachel, wrote to us in a private note about the course:

That course was beyond profound for our relationship. We both learned and grew so significantly — it was like a key opening up issues we’d wrestled with together for years! Discussing it every night filled us with new understanding and appreciation for each other on a whole new level! I’ll admit, I was slightly skeptical of the lofty promises the course initially advertised, but they were totally accurate! Though at first, we found ourselves arguing more and caught ourselves failing to use the the techniques we’d learned (as you warned!) with time and practice, we truly did start to experience deeper intimacy, clearer communication and more lasting solutions to long-standing issues than ever before! Problems that we could never seem to get to the bottom of in professional counseling suddenly seemed simple in light of the brain science of why we’re reacting to each other in unhelpful ways. We both continue to discuss the information regularly and benefit from it more & more. It’s even spilled over into our parenting approaches in tricky scenarios! We both feel deep relief and gratitude for the gift you have given our marriage. I would love an opportunity to author a testimonial boasting of the course’s effectiveness and depth if ever you have use for one, and I will certainly continue referring my friends to it whenever it’s offered!


Fight Without Fighting A Couple’s Guide to Fighting Well.

Private online platform and discussion center.

5 easy phases.

Starts Feb. 11th.

Just $29.

All identities, preferences, and relationship statuses welcome.

Go here for more information and to sign up now!

Be well.