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20152015 / Nathan M McTague, CPCC, CPDPE

Here’s the latest and probably last post from the DreamCatching project on which I have been working the last several weeks. I thought some of you here would find it useful and/or enjoyable!
https://dreamcatchingshow.wordpress.com/2015/04/29/courage/

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Nathan M McTague, CPCC, CPDPE

I'm here to empower *you* to live the life of your dreams. Whether you're looking to become your best possible self, have your best possible relationship(s), and/or do your best possible parenting -- I'll help you find your way and claim it!

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“I did the feelings. It’s not working…” _ Hello Love! _ This is me about a month and a half ago feeling content. I was laying in the yard in the sun (before it was below freezing out there…) and noticing that I was feeling totally at ease and pleased and excited about the future. It was a day I realized — “Hey, it’s been awhile since I was mad and sad.” It wasn’t like I had experienced zero episodes of those feelings in the period leading up to this moment. I had cried recently, in fact. But what I was noting to myself as I lay there in the grass, was that it had been over a month since I had felt the particular combination of mad and sad that I had been consistently processing before then. _ Whether it was for all the waking hours or just some small portion — I had been mad and sad everyday for 2 years. _ It wasn’t like I didn’t do anything else. And there were days when I barely noticed the watery seething sloshing around under my chest. But most of the time, I did. It would be there before I was all the way awake. And it would be there as I pulled the covers up over my head at night. _ It would arc out of me in any compromised instant, when any other stressor impinged on my fragile stasis. It would ooze from me as I tired to interact with my partner, brambling my words, and strangling our connection. It would well up and drown me in moments of such discomfort that I could do nothing but lay in bed and mourn and writhe and plead for release. _ I wanted something significant in my life to change. I knew what it was, but I was virtually if not utterly powerless to affect it. I thrashed. I argued with what was. I threw gauntlets at the wind. I would rage and cry and purge the emotion from my system — only to feel it well up again. And again. And again. _ In between these emotional eruptions, I would come back to myself, to my intellectual brain, and I was sure — I needed the thing to be different. I needed the situation itself to change. And yet all I could do was feel the pain of it remaining the same. (Continued in comments...)

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